This past week was a week to do homework and to rest from the previous week of snowboarding. I still have bruises from it but luckily no broken bones. Speaking of broken bones, it has been a year since I broke my ankle. It's crazy to think how fast time seems to fly these days. A lot has happened in this year. A crazy roller coaster of a year full of ups and downs and twists and turns. An interesting year to say the least.
Ever since coming back from snowboarding I have been going through a down time. Not really caring about anything especially doing the school work, which I did end up doing. I'm even finding it hard to grow in my walk with God. I'm struggling to stand on my feet right now. I feel as though i need to change, I know how, but for some reason I don't want to. I feel as though I am holding back a lot right now. I do like the people here, but I feel that I haven't been myself this year. I want to experience a joy I had before this roller coaster of a year. I used to say this would be a gap year and about finding a foundation. This year is challenging and it is no means a gap year of school. I don't know where I'm going next year and maybe it will be a year off. I have only a short time here and I am going to try my best to care and to break down another wall I have built up.
The community is great here when we have chapel or other times when everyone has to be out of their rooms. One cool thing that we have done is to give one another a name. Not a nickname, but a name that we hope the person will grow into. There has been great encouragement and a lot of thought put into it. The name chosen for me was armour-bearer. I am not to sure what that means yet but i know it will come to me as I grow into it. What I really appreciated was having the leaders discuss a name appropriate for me even though I have been holding back. Things that were said is that I have a servant heart and that I come along side people. Tyler, my intern (kind of like an RA), read out of 1 Samuel about Jonathan's armour-bearer. I really liked the story and there is a great imagery that comes with armour-bearer. What really came to mind when people were talking was the sense that I need to come alongside people and be loyal to them. I have this sense that I will be in the mission field someday and this image of armour-bearer is something that I can grow into that applies to what missions is about. A comment from my friend Dan a couple weeks ago also really hit me. My everyday actions, choices, and attitude does stand for something and that is God. I have to stand for God and this word armour bearer applies for that.
This past weekend I was at Missions Fest in Vancouver. There were many missionary organizations from all over the world. There were lots of seminars and lots of people who had a lot of wisdom in the mission field, something that I want to get into. I had a lot of expectations going into this weekend but they weren't met. I think it has to do with the fact that I'm holding back and it wasn't maybe the best weekend for it. That aside it was a great weekend for many people, I just wish I was more open and ready to hear what was being said. I did get to see a couple good movies and hear a couple good seminars. I wish i made better use of my time and ask the questions I needed too. From the stuff I heard I still feel a tug towards missions and I am passionate about it.
In 1 Samuel 14:7 Jonathans Armour-bearer says this, “Do all that you have in mind,” his armor-bearer said. “Go ahead; I am with you heart and soul.” I need to be with God with my whole heart and my whole soul. I hope to grow and to find rest in the Lord.
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