I have avoided doing this post for a little while now. After posting about Argentina, I haven't had the desire to blog again. I'm glad I did it this year as it allowed me to write down my thoughts and through that I was able to process what was going on. A lot of people who read my posts sensed a lot of struggle. Struggle is what I have gone through this year. Some have said I have been a little hard on myself and that could be true. I think I needed this year to struggle and wrestle through a lot of things. Another way of putting it is heart surgery. Like surgery, this year has been a process for me. A year of putting the pieces together and building a foundation that is fully God centred. I can, with a 100% confidence, say that I have really matured this year. It has been an amazing year of growth this year amidst the personal struggle that I have gone through. This struggle was simply putting the pieces of a puzzle together that have been scrambled for the last little while. The journey does not end here. It has just begun. This journey is a life time thing. It has been hard to come back home and adjust to life away from Kaleo but I am excited to see what God has in store for me.
It didn't really hit me that I was going home until I was on the plane from Calgary to London. Some times it feels that if I close my eyes I'll be back. haha. When I got of the plane I had an hour ride back to my home. This was a chance to talk with my parents. Which was really good. My relationship with them is a lot better than it has been in the past. I have become pretty independant and become mature in my walk with God has really helped. I'm excited to spend time with them this summer even tho it is weird for me because I havent lived at home in quite some time. A lot of things have changed at home. Exciting things. Relationships with one another is a lot better. I am going to be a light at home. I changed a lot and I knew a lot of the things I have learned that I will be able to apply to life in the world again. I didn't think it was going happen so soon. I have been able to speak a lot to my dad. It is amazing. We are even doing devotions together which is supper exciting. A lot of my friends are far away so that has been tough to adjust to. I got to live and know kaleo really well and it was so good to have people around all the time.
It has been hard to talk with other people. The question i get all the time is " what are you going to do next year?" It's a very legitimate question but it is hard to answer. I wanted to share about what went on this year. As much fun as it is to share about all the cool opportunities i did I would like to share what's going on in my heart. No one asks me about what i have done this year. It's hard and it hurts because i want to share of what went on. There's a lot more beyond the blog posts. It is hard to grasp what Kaleo is and what it means to everyone who has done it. I know I shouldn't be frustrated when people don't ask, because they probably don't know what to ask or know what went on. I hope in due time that people will ask. I'm excited to talk about it.
And back to the question. I have no clue what is going on next year. I am excited however. I thought it was to hard to figure that out at Kaleo. I need a rest and in this time at home during the summer I will figure it out. It's okay to get asked this question but it does get asked a lot haha. I am not stressing about the future. It is in God's hands and I will go wherever he leads me. I am content on taking a year off because I don't want to jump into a another program. I have done Redeemer for a year and Kaleo for a year. I feel as though I will be on the missions field somewhere. I am taking this year to work a bit, travel, or go on a mission trip. If that is not the plan and I am to go to school I will. I haven't figured it out yet but I have some time too.
I don't really know what to post anymore. My thoughts are all over the place. I loved my time in BC and my heart is changed. I am walking in confidence and I am allowing God to take over. I am no longer focused on myself rather my focus has shifted on to God.
We had a question on our final exam asking "What are you learning to love?" I am learning to love who God is and what he is doing in my life.
I am well and content :)
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